老友记青春六人行第一季第一集中英文对照剧本台词对白字幕
《老友记》 第一季 第1集 序集
《老友记》 第一季 第1集 序集
Friends S01E01: The Pilot
♪ So no one told you life was gonna be this way
♪ 没有人告诉你活着有多累
♪ - Your job's a joke, you're broke, your love life's D.O.A.
- ♪ 上班受罪 口袋空空 爱情变累赘
（主演：詹妮弗·安妮斯顿）
♪ It's like you're always stuck in second gear
♪ 寂寞又潦倒 受气又受累
（主演：柯特妮·考克斯）
♪ When it hasn't been your day,
♪ 日复一日 年复一年
（主演：丽莎·库卓）
♪ your week, your month, or even your year
♪ 时运不济 活着受罪
♪ but I'll be there for you
♪ 你我永不离弃
（主演：马特·勒布朗）
♪ When the rain starts to pour
♪ 纵有狂风暴雨
（主演：马修·派瑞）
♪ I'll be there for you
♪ 你我永不离弃
（主演：大卫·修蒙）
♪ Like I've been there before
♪ 支持一如往昔
♪ I'll be there for you
♪ 你我永不离弃
♪ 'Cause you're there for me too
♪ 你我相偎相依
（中央咖啡厅）
没什么好说的！他只不过是我的同事
There's nothing to tell. It's just some guy I work with.
少来了，和你交往的男人…
Come on. You're going out with a guy.
多多少少一定有点问题！
There's gotta be something wrong with him.
他既驼背又戴假发？
So does he have a hump and a hair piece?
等一下，他是不是会吃粉笔？
Wait. Does he eat chalk?
我只是不希望你 重蹈我和卡尔的覆辙
I don't want her to go through what I went through with Carl. Oh.
（制片：塔德·史帝文斯）
各位放轻松，这不算约会
Okay, everybody relax. This is not even a date.
不过是两个人一起出去吃晚餐 而且不上床
It's just two people going out to dinner and not having sex.
对我来说这就是约会
Sounds like a date to me.
（编剧：玛莎·卡夫曼　大卫·肯蓝）
做了个梦，在中学时代 我站在餐厅中央…
I'm back in high school, in the middle of the cafeteria...
突然发现自己全身赤裸
...and I realize I'm totally naked.
- 对，没错 - 我做过那样的梦
- Oh, yeah. - I've had that dream.
我低头一看，看见有一个电话…
Then I look down and I realize there is a phone...
在那里
...there.
- 而不是… - 没错
- Instead of... - That's right!
- 我没做过那样的梦 - 没有
MONICA: That one, I've never had. PHOEBE: No.
突然，那个电话响了
All of a sudden, the phone starts to ring.
结果是我妈妈打来的
And it turns out it's my mother.
这非常奇怪 因为她从来都不会打电话给我！
Which is very, very weird because she never calls me.
（导演：詹姆斯·柏洛斯）
嗨
Hi.
这家伙说〝嗨〞的时候 我却想杀了我自己
This guy says "hello," I wanna kill myself.
你还好吧，亲爱的？
Are you okay, sweetie?
我就感觉好像某人伸手进我的喉咙 抓住我的小肠，从我的嘴里拉出来
I feel like someone grabbed my small intestine, pulled it out of my mouth...
- 再在我的脖子上打结… - 要吃饼干吗？
...and tied it around my neck. - Cookie?
卡萝今天搬走了她的东西
Carol moved her stuff out today.
哦
PHOEBE & JOEY: Oh.
- 我给你拿杯咖啡 - 谢谢
- Let me get you some coffee. - Thanks.
呃
Ew. Unh.
不，不要！ 不要清理我的光环！
No. No, don't! Stop cleansing my aura.
不要管我的光环，好吗？
Just leave my aura alone, okay?
我会没事的，好吗？真的 我希望她开心
I'll be fine. All right? Really. I hope she'll be very happy.
- 不，你并不希望 - 是的，我不希望！
- No, you don't. - No, I don't.
叫她去死，是她离开了我！
To hell with her. She left me!
你从来都不知道她是女同性恋
And you never knew she was a lesbian.
不知道！行了吧！
No! Okay?
为什么每个人老是要提出来？
Why does everyone keep fixating on that?
她都不知道，我又怎么会知道？
She didn't know. How should I know?
有时候我希望我是女同性恋…
Sometimes I wish I was a lesbian.
我讲得很大声吗？
Did I say that out loud?
没事的，罗斯 你现在感到很痛苦
All right, Ross. Look, you're feeling a lot of pain right now.
你很生气，很伤心
You're angry. You're hurting.
我能告诉你解决方法是什么吗？
Can I tell you what the answer is?
脱衣舞厅！
Strip joints!
别这样，你单身了！有需求的！
Come on, you're single. Have some hormones.
我不想单身，好吗？
See, but I don't want to be single, okay?
我只想…再次结婚！
I just wanna be married again.
而我只想要一百万美金！
And I just want a million dollars!
瑞秋！
Rachel?
噢，老天爷，摩妮卡 感谢上帝！
Oh, God, Monica! Hi! Thank God!
我刚到你那里去，而你不在 那个拿着大锤子的家伙说
I went to your building and this guy with a hammer said...
你可能在这里 你真在这里！
...that you might be here, and you are.
- 你想喝点咖啡吗？ - 无咖啡因的
- Can I get you some coffee? - Decaf.
好了，各位，这位是瑞秋 另一个林肯高中的幸存者
Okay, everybody, this is Rachel, another Lincoln High survivor.
这就是各位 这是钱德、菲比
This is everybody. This is Chandler and Phoebe...
乔伊，还有 你还记得我哥哥罗斯吗？
...and Joey. And remember my brother, Ross?
- 当然，嘿！ - 嘿
- Sure! - Hey.
- 嗨 - 天啊
- Hi. - Oh, God.
- 那你现在可以告诉我们了吗 还是说我们在等着四位湿漉的伴娘?
- So you wanna tell us now, or are we waiting for four wet bridesmaids?
好吧，大概在婚礼前半个小时
Oh, God! Well, it started about a half-hour before the wedding.
我在礼物间里
I was in this room with all the presents...
看着那个肉汁壶
...and I was looking at this gravy boat.
那是个非常好看的肉汁壶
This really gorgeous Limoges gravy boat.
然后，突然…　有代糖吗？
When all of a sudden... Sweet 'N Low?
我发现…
- I realized...
我对这个肉汁壶 比对巴瑞更有冲动！
...I was more turned on by this gravy boat than by Barry.
然后我吓呆了 然后这个想法突然出现在脑中：
Then I got really freaked out, and that's when it hit me:
巴瑞看起来多像洋芋头先生啊
How much Barry looks like Mr. Potato Head.
我总是觉得他眼熟，但是…
You know, I mean, I always knew he looked familiar, but...
总之 我必须离开那里，我在想：
Anyway, I just had to get out of there, and I started wondering:
〝我为什么这样做，我为谁这样做？〞
"Why am I doing this?" And "Who am I doing this for?"
我不知道该去哪里 而且我知道我和你有点疏远了
Anyway, I just didn't know where to go, and I know you and I have drifted apart...
但你是我这个城市里唯一认识的人
...but you're the only person I know in the city.
而且没有受邀参加你的婚礼
Who wasn't invited to the wedding.
噢，我希望你不会把它当一回事…
Oh, I was kind of hoping that wouldn't be an issue.
我猜他给她买了个管风琴
I'm guessing he bought her the big pipe organ...
而她很不喜欢那个
...and she's really not happy about it.
老爸，我就是无法和他结婚
Daddy, I just... I can't marry him.
对不起
I'm sorry.
我只是不爱他了
I just don't love him.
这对我很有关系！
Well, it matters to me.
她真不应该穿那条裤子
CHANDLER: She should not be wearing those pants.
我觉得应该把她推下楼
I say push her down the stairs.
把她推下楼…
ALL: Push her down the stairs! Push her down the stairs!
爸爸，听我说！
Come on, Daddy, listen to me!
这就好像在我一生中 所有人都告诉我：〝你是鞋子！〞
It's like all of my life, everyone's always told me, "You're a shoe!
〝你是鞋子…〞
You're a shoe! You're a shoe! You're a shoe!"
然后今天，我停下来对自己说： 〝如果我不想成为鞋子呢？
Then today I stopped and said, "What if I don't wanna be a shoe?
如果我想成为一个包包？
What if I wanna be a purse? You know?

或一顶帽子？〞
Or a hat?"
不，我不是要你给我买帽子 我是说我是帽子
I don't want you to buy me a hat, I am a hat.
这是个比喻，爸爸！
It's a metaphor, Daddy!
你看得出他哪里听不懂
You can see where he'd have trouble.
爸爸，这是我的生活
Look, Daddy, it's my life.
也许我可以和摩妮卡住在一起
Well, maybe I'll just stay here with Monica.
我猜我们已经确定 她要和摩妮卡住在一起了…
I guess we've established she's staying with Monica.
也许那是我的决定
Well, maybe that's my decision.
也许我不需要你的钱
Well, maybe I don't need your money.
等等！我说也许！
Wait! Wait! I said maybe!
呼吸，呼吸 好，就这样
Okay. Just breathe, that's it.
试着想一些让你镇定的事…
Just try to think of nice, calm things.
玫瑰上的雨滴，还有猫的胡须
Raindrops on roses And whiskers on kittens
门铃和雪橇铃，还有手套…
Doorbells and sleigh bells And something with mittens
啦啦啦，还有一些条状物…
La la la something With string
我现在好多了
I'm all better now.
我帮上忙啦
I helped.
瞧，这也许对你来讲是最好的 知道吗？
MONICA: Look, this is probably for the best, you know?
独立了，把握自己的生活
Independence. Taking control of your life.
还有，你还需要什么 你可以随时来找乔伊
And, hey, if you need anything, you can always come to Joey.
我和钱德就住在对面 而且他经常不在
Me and Chandler live right across the hall. And he's away a lot.
乔伊，不要再对她放电了 今天是她结婚的日子！
Joey, stop hitting on her. It's her wedding day.
怎么啦，难道这还有什么规定吗？
What? Like there's a rule or something?
请不要再按了 那是很恐怖的声音
Please don't do that again. It's a horrible sound.
- 我是保罗 - 让他进来！
PAUL: Uh, it's Paul. - Buzz him in.
- 谁是保罗？ - 保罗，红酒达人，保罗？
- Who's Paul? - Paul, the wine guy, Paul?
也许
Maybe.
等等，你今晚的〝不是真正约会〞 是和红酒达人保罗？
Wait a minute. Your "not a real date" is with Paul, the wine guy?
- 他终于约你出去啦？ - 是的！
- He finally asked you out? - Yes.
真是个可以写入日记的时刻
Ooh. This is a "Dear Diary" moment.
瑞秋，等等，我可以取消…
Rach, wait, I can cancel.
不用 你去吧，我不会有事的！
Please, no. Go, I'll be fine.
罗斯，你没事吧？ 你希望我留下来吗？
Ross, are you okay? I mean, do you want me to stay?
能留下就太好了…
That'd be good.
- 真的？ - 不，去吧！那可是红酒达人保罗耶！
- Really? - No, go on! It's Paul, the wine guy.
进来，保罗，这是…
MONICA: Hi, come in. Paul, this is...
大家 各位，这是保罗
...everybody. Everybody, this is Paul.
保罗！红酒达人！
JOEY: Paul, the wine guy.
- 红酒达人！ - 我没听清楚你的名字，是保罗吗？
- Wine guy. - I didn't catch your name. Paul, was it?
- 请坐，两秒钟就好 - 好
- Okay. Sit down. Two seconds. - Okay.
我刚拔掉四根睫毛不是个好兆头
Ooh, I just pulled out four eyelashes. That can't be good.
那么瑞秋，你今晚…打算做什么？
So, Rachel, what are you up to tonight?
我本来应该到阿鲁巴度蜜月
Well, I was supposed to be headed for Aruba on my honeymoon...
所以，没事做！
...so, nothing.
对呀，你连蜜月都无法去
Right. You're not even getting your honeymoon.
不过，阿鲁巴，这个时候？
God. No, no. Although, Aruba. Heh. This time of year? Eh.
你可以谈论一下…
Talk about your...
大蜥蜴
...big lizards.
总之 如果今晚你不想自己一个人的话
Anyway, if you don't feel like being alone tonight...
乔伊和钱德要过来 帮我组装我的新家具
...Joey and Chandler are helping me with my furniture.
对，而且我们为此感到兴奋
Yes, and we're very excited about it.
谢谢了，不过我想今晚 还是留在这里吧
Actually, thanks, but I'm just gonna hang out here tonight.
- 今天真是漫长的一天 - 是呀，好吧
- It's been a long day. - Oh, sure. Okay. Sure.
菲比，你要来帮忙吗？
Hey, Pheebs, you wanna help?
噢，我希望我能，但是我不想
Oh, I wish I could, but I don't want to.
我应该把支架固定在侧面
I'm supposed to attach a bracket-y thing to the side things...
用螺纹蜗轮
...using a bunch of these little worm guys.
我没有支架，没有看到螺纹蜗轮
I have no bracket-y thing, I see no worm guys whatsoever...
而且我的腿麻了
...and I cannot feel my legs.
这是什么？
What's this?
我不知道
I have no idea.
- 搞定书架了！ - 完工了！
- Done with the bookcase. - All finished.
这是卡萝最喜欢的啤酒
This was Carol's favorite beer.
她总是直接从罐子喝，我该知道的
She always drank it out of the can. I should have known.
罗斯，我来问你一个问题
Hey. Ross, let me ask you a question.
她得到家具、音响、超赞的电视…
She got the furniture, the stereo, the good TV.
那你得到了什么？
What did you get?
你们啊
You guys.
- 天呀 - 你被耍了
- Oh, God. Oh, my God. - You got screwed.
- 我的老天！ - 我知道，我真是个笨蛋
- Oh, my God. - I know, I know. I'm such an idiot.
当她一个礼拜见四、五次牙医 我就该知道了
I should've caught on when she went to the dentist four and five times a week.
谁的牙齿需要这么干净？
I mean, how clean can teeth get?
我哥哥正在克服这种事呢 他真是一团糟
My brother's going through that. He's such a mess.
你是怎么克服的？
How did you get through it?
他可以试着砸烂她的一些贵重的东西
He might try accidentally breaking something valuable of hers.
- 比如她的… - 腿？
- Say her... - Leg?
那样也可以！
Heh. That's one way of going through it, yeah.
我则是砸了她的手表
Me, I went for the watch.
你真的砸了她的手表？
- You actually broke her watch? - Mm.
巴瑞，对不起，对不起
Barry, I'm sorry. I am so sorry.
我知道你可能认为和那天我对你说 跟你穿袜子做爱有关，但不是的
You probably think it's about making love with your socks on, but it isn't.
这和我有关，我只是…
It isn't, it's about me. And I...
嘿，机器又把电话挂断了 不管怎样…
Hi. Machine cut me off again. Anyway...
知道什么最吓人的吗？ 如果每个人只有一个女人适合他呢？
You know what's scary? What if there's only one woman for everybody?
我是说 如果你得到一个女人，就这样
I mean, what if you get one woman, and that's it?
不幸的是，以我的例子来讲 是她…得到一个女人
Unfortunately, in my case, there was only one woman for her.
你在说什么？ 〝一个女人〞？
What are you talking about? One woman.
那就好像你只吃一种口味的冰淇淋
That's like saying there's only one flavor of ice cream for you.
让我告诉你，罗斯 还有很多种口味
Let me tell you something, Ross. There's lots of flavors out there.
有碎糖口味、饼干口味 然后还有香草口味
There's rocky road and cookie dough and bing cherry vanilla.
还可以加糖条、果仁 或者鲜奶油一起吃！
You can get them with jimmies or nuts or whipped cream.
这是你一生中最棒的时刻了！
This is the best thing that ever happened to you.
你难道是八岁结婚的？
You got married. You were like, what, 8?
欢迎回到现实里！拿起汤匙！
Welcome back to the world. Grab a spoon.
我真不知道我是饿了 还是饥渴
I honestly don't know if I'm hungry or horny.
离我的冰箱远点！
Then stay out of my freezer.
从她离开我之后，我…
Ever since she walked out on me, I...

怎么啦？
What? What?
你想边吃面条边讲出来？
You wanna spell it out with noodles?
不，这本该在和你 第五次约会时才能说出来的
No, it's more of a fifth date kind of revelation.
噢，所以会有第五次约会罗？
Oh, so there's gonna be a fifth date?
会有吗？
Isn't there?
我觉得会有
Yeah, yeah. I think there is.
你要说什么？
What were you gonna say?
好吧
Well... Er, uh...
自从她离开我之后…
Ever since she left me, um...
我就一直…
...I haven't been able to perform...
无法行房
...sexually.
天啊，对不起
Oh, God! Oh, God! I am so...
- 对不起… - 没关系
- I'm so sorry. - It's okay.
被人吐水应该不是你现在需要的
Being spit on is probably not what you need right now.
唔…
Um...
多久了？
How long?
两年
Two years.
哇！
Wow!
我真高兴你砸了她的手表！
I'm glad you smashed her watch.
那你还希望有第五次约会吗？
So you still think you might want that fifth date?
是的
Yeah.
是的，我希望
Yeah, I do.
我乔安妮接受查理斯为我的合法丈夫
I, Joanie, take you, Charles, as my lawful husband.
- 你是否接受乔安妮… - 看吧
MINISTER: Do you take Joanie...? - Oh! See.
可是乔安妮爱佳奇！就是这里不同！
But Joanie loved Chachi. That's the difference.
〝拿起汤匙〞
"Grab a spoon."
你知道我多久没拿汤匙了吗？
Do you know long it's been since I grabbed a spoon?
〝比利，别逞英雄〞 这句话对你有没有意义？
Do the words, "Billy, don't be a hero," mean anything to you?
是这样的，就算我想…
You know, here's the thing. Even if I could get it together enough...
约一个女人出来
...to ask a woman out...
我该约谁？
...who am I gonna ask?
是不是很不可思议？
Isn't this amazing?
我以前从来没泡过咖啡
I mean, I have never made coffee before in my life.
- 是很不可思议 - 恭喜你
- That is amazing. - Congratulations.
你现在刚好有心情 有没有想做个蛋饼之类的东西…
While you're on a roll, if you feel like you gotta make a Western omelet or something...
不过我还不太饿…
Although, actually I'm really not that hungry this morning.
- 早安 - 早安
- Good morning. - Good morning.
- 早安 - 早安
- Morning. - Morning.
- 早安 - 早安，保罗
- Morning. - Morning, Paul.
- 你好，保罗 - 嘿，是保罗，对吗？
- Hello, Paul. - Hi. Paul, is it?
我昨晚很开心
MONICA: I had a really great time last night.
- 谢谢你!太感谢你了!
- Thank you. Thank you so much.
- 再聊 - 好的
- We'll talk later, okay? - Yeah.
谢谢
Thank you.
那不是真正的约会！
That wasn't a real date.
那你真正的约会都在干什么？
What the hell do you do on a real date?
- 闭嘴，把我的桌子搬回去 - 好的！
- Shut up and put my table back. - Okay.
好啦，孩子们，我要去工作啦
All right, kids, I gotta get to work.
不过如果我不把那些数字输入 也不会有什么差别
If I don't input those numbers, it doesn't make much of a difference.
你们都有工作吗？
So, like, you guys all have jobs?
对，我们都有
Yeah, we all have jobs.
这样我们才有钱买东西
See, that's how we buy stuff.
对，我是演员
Yeah, I'm an actor.
哇，我有见过你的作品吗？
Wow. Would I have seen you in anything?
哦，应该没有，大部分是地方性节目
Oh, I doubt it. Mostly regional work.
等等，除非你看过 翻拍的《木偶奇遇记》
Unless you happened to catch the Wee One's production of Pinocchio.
〝瞧，老木匠，我是个真正的小男孩〞
"Look, Geppeto. I'm a real live boy."
别这样羞辱我
I will not take this abuse.
没错，对不起
You're right. I'm sorry.
我曾经是个小木偶…
Once I was a wooden boy A little wooden boy
你今天怎么样？睡得好吗？
MONICA: So how are you doing today? Did you sleep okay?
和巴瑞谈过吗?我无法停止微笑
Did you talk to Barry? I can't stop smiling.
看得出来，就好像你睡觉时 有个衣架在你嘴里
I can see that. You look like you slept with a hanger in your mouth.
我知道，他只是太…
I know. He's just so...
你还记得你和托尼多马哥吗？
Remember you and Tony De Marco?
- 是的，记得 - 就好像那样，但有感觉
- Oh, yeah. - Well, it's like that. With feelings.
哇，你有麻烦了
Oh, wow, are you in trouble!
好，我要醒过来，去工作
Okay, okay. I am just going to get up, go to work...
而且不要整天想着他
...and not think about him all day.

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老友记第一季第二集中英文剧本对白字幕
男生不了解
What you guys don't understand is...
对我们来说 接吻跟其他部分一样重要
...for us, kissing is as important as any part of it.
对，没错
Yeah, right.
真的吗？
You serious?
对
Oh, yeah.
初吻能告诉你所有答案
Everything you need to know is in that first kiss.
- 没错 - 我想对我们来说
- Absolutely. - Yeah, I think, for us...
接吻只是开场
...kissing is pretty much like an opening act.
像是你得忍受搞笑艺人那一段
I mean, it's like the stand-up comedian you have to sit through...
才能等到《平克·佛洛伊德》登场
...before Pink Floyd comes out.
对，我们不是不喜欢搞笑艺人
Yeah, and it's not that we don't like the comedian.
但那不是…
It's just that that's not...
我们买票想看的表演
...why we bought the ticket.
听着，问题是
See, the problem is, though...
演唱会结束后，不论表演有多棒
...after the concert's over, no matter how great the show was...
女生还在找搞笑艺人
...you girls are always looking for the comedian again.
我是说我们在车里，对抗塞车
I mean, we're in the car, we're fighting traffic...
努力保持清醒
...basically just trying to stay awake.
对，听我的建议 把搞笑艺人找回来
Yeah, well, word of advice: Bring back the comedian.
不然你会发现自己
Otherwise, you're gonna find yourself...
一个人坐在家里听专辑
...sitting at home listening to that album alone.
我们还在讨论性爱吗？
Are we still talking about sex?
《老友记》 第一季 第2集 超声波检查
Friends S01E02: The One with the Sonogram at the End
（主演：詹妮弗·安妮斯顿）
（主演：柯特妮·考克斯）
（主演：丽莎·库卓）
（主演：马特·勒布朗）
（主演：马修·派瑞）
（主演：大卫·修蒙）
（史前历史博物馆）
不，真的很不错
ROSS: No, it's good. It is good.
你不觉得她看起来有点愤怒吗？
It's just that, doesn't she seem a little angry?
她有问题
Well, she has issues.
（制片：塔德·史帝文斯）
是吗？
Does she?
他跑出去跟别的女人胡搞
He's out banging other women over the head with a club...
她待在家里 想除掉地毯上乳齿象的味道
...while she sits at home trying to get the mastodon smell out of the carpet.
玛莎，他们是原始人
Marsha, see, these are cave people.
好吧，这才是他们的问题
Okay, they have issues like:
〝天啊，冰河距离有点近〞 懂吗？
"Gee, that glacier's getting kind of close." See?
说到问题，那不是你的前妻吗？
Speaking of issues, isn't that your ex-wife?
- 不 - 没错，卡萝
- No, no. - Yes, it is. Carol, hi.
对，没错
ROSS: Okay. Yes. Yes, it is.
我们何不等到冰河时期再谈？
How about I'll catch up with you in the Ice Age?
（即将开幕，史前生活展）
（编剧：玛莎·卡夫曼 大卫·肯蓝）
（导演：詹姆斯·柏洛斯）
- 嗨 - 嗨
- Hi. - Hi.
好吧
So...
你看起来很不错
You look great.
我讨厌那样
I hate that.
抱歉，谢谢，你看起来也很不错
Sorry. Thanks. You look good too.
在这里所有可以…
Well, you know, in here, anyone who...
直立的人…
...stands erect...
- 怎么样？你还是… - 女同志？
- So, what's new? Still a... - A lesbian?
好吧
Well...
这种事谁都说不准
You never know.
你家人还好吧？
How's, um...? How's the family?
玛蒂的疑心病还是很重
Marty's still totally paranoid.
- 还有… - 卡萝，你来这里做什么？
- Oh, and... - Carol, why are you here, Carol?
- 我怀孕了 - 怀孕？
- I'm pregnant. - Pregnant.
看起来她不急着离开
Oh. Looks like she didn't leave in such a hurry after all.
我想这一集的《三人行》
I think this is the episode of Three's Company...
发生了一点误会
...where's there's some kind of misunderstanding.
我看过这一集了
Then I've already seen this one.
你喝完了吗？谢谢
Are you through with that? Thanks.
抱歉，狼吞虎咽害我速度变慢
Yeah, sorry, the swallowing slowed me down.
这是谁的纸团？
Whose little ball of paper is this?
那应该是我的
Oh, that would be mine.
我写字条给自己，后来又不需要
See, I wrote a note to myself, then I didn't need it.
我把它揉成纸团 现在我真的很想死
So I balled it up and now I wish I was dead.
她已经拍过靠枕了 摩妮卡，你已经拍过…
She already fluffed that pillow. Monica, you know, you already fluffed...
没关系的

- 那只是一种说法 - 不，不是的
- It's an expression. - No, it's not.
别听***
Don't listen to your mother.
你很独立 你一直都是如此
You're independent and you always have been.
即使你小时候胖嘟嘟的
Even when you were a kid, and you were chubby...
没有朋友，你还是过得很好
...and you had no friends, you were just fine.
你一个人在房里看书玩拼图
You'd read alone in your room. And your puzzles...
听着，像罗斯这样的人 必须追求成功
Look, there are people, like Ross, who need to shoot for the stars.
他到博物馆工作，准备出版论文
With his museum and his papers getting published.
其他人则是安于现状
Other people are satisfied with staying where they are.
我要说的是这些人永远不会得癌症
I'm telling you, these are the people who never get cancer.
我看到报道说这些女人想那么做 谢天谢地
And I read about these women trying to have it all, and I thank God...
我们的小摩妮卡没有那样的问题
...our little Harmonica doesn't seem to have that problem.
罗斯，你还好吗？
So, Ross, what's going on with you?
有任何故事吗？ 没有消息或趣事要跟父母分享？
Any stories? No news, no little anecdotes to share with the folks?
好吧
Okay, okay.
听着，我知道你们一直很好奇
Ahem. Look, I, uh... I realize you guys have been wondering...
我跟卡萝到底是怎么了？
...what exactly happened between Carol and me.
情况是这样的
And so, well, here's the deal.
卡萝是女同志
Carol's a lesbian.
她跟一个叫苏珊的女人住在一起
She's living with a woman named Susan.
她怀了我的孩子
She's pregnant with my child.
她跟苏珊要一起抚养孩子
And she and Susan are going to raise the baby.
你早就知道了？
And you knew about this?
（中央咖啡厅）
你们的爸妈真的有那么难过？
Your folks are really that bad, huh?
他们可是专家
Well, you know, these people are pros.
他们知道自己在做什么 愿意花时间
They know what they're doing. They take their time.
不做完誓不甘休
They get the job done.
天啊，我知道俗话说 人是无法换父母的
Boy, I know they say that you can't change your parents.
天啊，如果可以的话 我想跟你换父母
Boy, if you could, I'd want yours.
我得去尿尿
Must pee.
这比你们是双胞胎还糟糕
You know, it's even worse when you're twins.
- 你是双胞胎？ - 对，我们不说话
- You're a twin? - Oh, yeah. We don't speak.
她是位高权重的霸道女强人
She's like this high-powered, driven, career-type.
- 她做什么样的工作？ - 她是服务生
- What does she do? - She's a waitress.
好了，各位，我必须打扫
All right. You guys, I kind of gotta clean up now.
钱德，你是独生子 你不必忍受这一切
Chandler, you're an only child, right? You don't have any of this.
不，但我有个幻想的朋友
Well, no, although I did have an imaginary friend...
我爸妈比较喜欢他
...who my parents actually preferred.
请关灯
RACHEL: Hit the lights, please.
我在厕所待了多久
How long was I in there?
我只是在打扫
I'm just cleaning up.
你需要帮忙吗
Oh, do you, uh...? Do you need any help?
当然，谢谢
Um, okay, sure. Thanks.
总之…
Anyway...
你很紧张明天要跟贝瑞见面？
So you nervous about Barry tomorrow?
有一点
- Oh, a little. - Mm-hm.
非常紧张
- A lot. - Mm-hm.
你有任何建议吗
So got any advice?
毕竟你有被甩的经验
You know, as someone who's recently been dumped.
你该避免用＂甩″这个字
Well, you may want to steer clear of the word "dumped."
他很可能心都碎了，你懂吗？
Chances are he's going to be this broken shell of a man. You know?
你不能看起来太漂亮 我知道那很难
So you should try not to look too terrific. I know it'll be hard.
或是由我过去把戒指还给贝瑞
Or, you know, hey, I'll go down there, and I'll give Barry back his ring.
你陪卡萝跟苏珊去看妇产科
And you can go with Carol and Susan to the OB-GYN.
明天你得去陪卡萝
You've got Carol tomorrow.
何时世界变得这么复杂？
When did it get so complicated?
你问倒我了
Got me.
- 还记得我们念高中的时候吗？ - 对
- Remember when we were in high school? - Yeah.
你不觉得你会遇上某人
I mean, didn't you think you' were gonna meet someone...
坠入爱河，就这样过了一生吗？
...fall in love, and that'd be it?
- 罗斯 - 没错
- Ross? - Yes, yes.
天啊，我没想到我会落到这步田地
Oh. Man. I never thought I'd be here.
我也是
Me neither.
抱歉我迟到了，我有工作在忙
Hi. Sorry I'm late. I got stuck at work.
关于这个大恐龙，总之…
There was this big dinosaur thing. Anyway...
嗨
Hi.
- 罗斯，你记得苏珊 - 我怎么会忘记呢？
- Ross, you remember Susan. - How could I forget?
罗斯
Ross.
苏珊，握手力道蛮不错的
Hello, Susan. Good shake, good shake.
我们在等…
So, uh, we're just waiting for?
- 欧伯曼医生 - 欧伯曼医生，他是…
- Dr. Oberman. - Dr. Oberman. Okay, and is he...?
- 是她才对 - 当然，是她才对
- She. - Of course, "she."
她知道我们的特殊状况吗？
She, uh, familiar with our special situation?
对，她非常支持我们
Yes, and she's very supportive.
太棒了，那是件好事
Great. Okay, that's great. Heh.
不，我…
No, I'm...
谢谢
CAROL: Thanks.
呱…
Quack, quack...
呱…
...quack, quack, quack.
罗斯
Ross?
那是用来打开我的子宫颈
That opens my cervix.
- 贝瑞 - 请进
- Barry? - Come on in.
你确定吗？
Are you sure?
没关系，罗比得在这里待上几小时
BARRY: It's fine, it's fine. Robbie's gonna be here for hours.
嗯？
Huh?
你还好吧？
So how are you doing?
我…
I'm...
我很好
I'm okay.
你气色很不错
You look great.
没错
Yeah, well...
巴巴尔医生 杰森·葛林斯潘笑个不停
RECEPTIONIST : Dr. Farber, Jason Greenspan's gagging.
马上到，我立刻回来
Be right there. I'll be back in a second.
我甩了他
I dumped him.
好吧
Okay.
哦
Oh!
- 罗斯 - 这应该怎么做才好？
- Ross. - So, um...? So how's this going to work...
我是说我们
...ahem, you know, with us?
譬如说得做出重要决定时
You know, when, like, important decisions have to be made?
举个例子来听听
Give me a "for instance."
我不知道，好吧
Well, I don't know. Okay, okay.
- 宝宝的名字呢？ - 马龙
- How about with the baby's name? - Marlon...
- 马龙 - 如果是儿子，女子就叫米妮
- Marlon. ...if it's a boy. Minnie, if it's a girl.
跟米妮老鼠一样？
As in "Mouse"?
跟我奶奶一样？
As in my grandmother.
但提到米妮，大家会想到米妮老鼠
Still, you say "Minnie," you hear "Mouse."

何不叫…
How about, um...
何不叫茱莉亚呢？
How about "Julia"?
茱莉亚？
Julia.
我们同意叫米妮了
We agreed on Minnie.
那真的很有趣 我们同意要共度一生
It's funny, um, we agreed we'd spend our lives together.
事情变了，我们可以用拳头来决定
Things change. Roll with the punches.
我相信茱莉亚是个好名字
I believe Julia's on the table.
对不起
Oh. Sorry about that.
你还好吧？
So, what have you been up to?
还算可以
Oh. Not much.
- 我找到工作了 - 那真的很棒
- I got a job. - Hey, that's great.
为什么你皮肤变得这么黑？
Why are you so tan?
我…
Oh, I, uh...
我去了阿鲁巴
I went to Aruba.
不，你一个人去度我们的蜜月？
Oh, no. You went on our honeymoon alone?
不
No.
听着，我跟…
See, uh, I went with...
- 这或许会有点痛 - 我吗？
- Now, this may hurt. - Me?
不是
No.
我跟敏蒂去的
I went with Mindy.
敏蒂？
Mindy?
我的伴娘敏蒂？
My maid of honor, Mindy?
对，我们在交往
Yeah, well, we're kind of a thing now.
我…
Well, I'm...
你做了植发
You got plugs.
小心，它们还没有完全固定
Careful, careful. They haven't quite taken yet.
你戴了隐形眼镜
And you got lenses.
你讨厌把手指戳到眼睛里
But you hate sticking your finger in your eye.
为了她，没关系的
Not for her.
哦
Oh.
听着，我真的想谢谢你
Listen, I really wanted to thank you.
好的
Okay.
一个月前我想伤害你
About a month ago, I wanted to hurt you...
你是我最想伤害的人
...more than I've ever wanted to hurt anyone in my life.
我是牙齿矫正师
And I'm an orthodontist.
哇
Wow.
你说得对，我以为我们很快乐
You know, you were right. I mean, I thought we were happy.
我们不快乐
We weren't happy.
可是跟敏蒂在一起
But with Mindy...
现在我很快乐
...now I'm happy.
- 吐吧 - 什么？
- Spit. - What?
是我
Me.
总之…
Anyway, um...
我想这该还给你
I guess, uh... I guess this belongs to you.
谢谢你把它送给我
And thank you for giving it to me.
谢谢你把它还给我
Well, thank you for giving it back.
哈罗
Hello.
拜托，海伦有什么不好？
Oh, please. What's wrong with Helen?
海伦·盖勒？
Helen Geller?
- 我不觉得好 - 哈罗，宝宝不叫海伦·盖勒
- I don't think so. - Hello, it's not gonna be Helen Geller.
谢谢
Thank you.
不，我是说宝宝不姓盖勒
No. I mean, it's not Geller.
什么？宝宝叫海伦·威利克？
What, it's gonna be Helen Willick?
不，事实上她叫海伦·威利克·邦奇
No, actually, um, we talked about Helen Willick Bunch.
等一下，为什么这跟她有关？
Well, wait a minute. Why is she in the title?
因为这也是我的宝宝
Because it's my baby too.
那太好笑了，真的吗？ 我不记得你会制造精子
That's funny. Really? I don't remember you making any sperm.
我们都知道那是个多大的挑战
And we all know what a challenge that is.
- 看吧 - 好了，你们两个，别说了
- Uh-huh. See? - All right, you two, stop it.
不，她有功劳，我也是
No, no. She gets a credit. Hey, I'm in there too.
说真的，宝宝不能叫 海伦·威利克·邦奇·盖勒
Honestly. You're not actually suggesting Helen Willick Bunch Geller.
我想那跟虐童差不多
I think that borders on child abuse.
当然不是 我想宝宝叫盖勒·威利克·邦奇
Of course not. I'm suggesting Geller Willick Bunch.
不，你知道他在做什么吗？
Oh, no. No, no, no. You see what he's doing?
他知道没有人会那样叫她
He knows no one is gonna say all those names.
最后他们会叫她盖勒 那样子他就达到目的了
He knows they'll wind up calling her Geller. Then he gets his way.
我的目的？你觉得这是我的目的？
My way? You think this is my way?
相信我，目前我想像过的生活
Believe me, of all the ways I ever imagined this moment in my life being...
绝对不包括这一点 你知道吗？这真的太难了
...this is not my way. You know what? This is too hard.
还好吗？有恶心的感觉吗？
Knock, knock. How are we today? Any nausea?
- 有一点 - 只有一点
- A little. - Just a little.
我是指准妈妈的感觉 不过谢谢你们跟我分享
Well, I was just wondering about the mother-to-be, but, uh, thanks for sharing.
躺好
Uh, lie back.
你知道吗？我要走了
You know what? I'm gonna go.
我想我无法介入这种家务事
Um, I don't think I can be involved in this particular family thing.
天啊
Oh, my God.
看看那个
Look at that.
我知道
I know.
那真的很神奇吧？
Well, isn't that amazing?
我们到底要看什么？
What are we supposed to be seeing here?
我不知道 我想那跟攻击企业号有关
I don't know, but I think it's about to attack the Enterprise.
如果你们的头往左斜，眼睛放轻松
You know, if you tilt your head to the left and relax your eyes...
它看起来像颗马铃薯
...it kind of looks like an old potato.
别那么做，好吗？
Then don't do that, all right?
摩妮卡
Monica?
你觉得呢？
What do you think?
嗯-哼
Mm-hm.
你哭了吗？
Are you welling up?
- 不 - 才怪
- No. - You are.
- 才怪，你哭了 - 不，我才没有
- You are. You're welling up. - No, I'm not.
- 你要当姑姑了 - 闭嘴
- You're gonna be an aunt. - Oh, shut up.
敏蒂
Hi, Mindy.
我是瑞秋
Hi, it's Rachel.
对，我很好，今天我跟贝瑞见面
Yeah, I'm fine. I saw Barry today.
对，他跟我说了
Oh, yeah, yeah, he told me.
不，没关系，真的
No, it's okay. Really, it's okay.
我希望你们两个快乐，真的
I hope you two are very happy. I really do.
小敏，如果一切顺利
And, Min, you know, if everything works out...
你们会结婚生孩子
...and you guys end up getting married and having kids and everything...
我希望他们遗传了他的发线 跟你的鼻子
...I just hope they have his old hairline and your old nose.
好吧，我知道那么做很低级 但现在我觉得痛快多了
Okay, I know it was a cheap shot, but I feel so much better now.

请问可以分享嘛？

剩下的有吗？