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吧里有主攻RAP和英文的带师吗?评价一下俺写的RAP好吗?

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俺今天去恰饭,突然就灵感一现RAP起来辣。
俺没什么文化,也不懂滴什么是双鸭和单鸭,写出来也不是为了和别人battle。
吧里大手纸看下,看能不能跟孙哥说一哈,让俺的RAP加入他滴专辑。


IP属地:上海1楼2018-11-18 17:47回复
    RAP名纸就叫Something I said,以下就是俺写的:
    I said I want to be a writer, but my mom asks me to be a waiter.
    I said I have a master degree, but all body just disagree.
    I said I can sacrifice for the industry, but people only allow me to work in the factory.
    I said I will **** this world, but the world forces me to eat my words.
    I said I can success from my endeavour, but young man seems to be doomed forever.
    I said I want the society shows me some mercy, but the destiny tells me this is a fantasy.
    I said something, others hear nothing, somebody knows everything but only leaves me one thing: the deep disappointment from the beginning.


    IP属地:上海2楼2018-11-18 17:49
    回复
      有点东西


      IP属地:山东来自iPhone客户端3楼2018-11-18 17:53
      回复
        配个flow?词感觉还8错。


        IP属地:山东来自Android客户端4楼2018-11-18 18:02
        回复
          可以的


          IP属地:浙江来自Android客户端6楼2018-11-18 18:09
          回复
            俺觉得你倒数第二段的a fantasy可以改成crazy嗷


            IP属地:重庆来自iPhone客户端7楼2018-11-18 18:11
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              IP属地:江苏来自Android客户端8楼2018-11-18 19:13
              回复
                带文豪安排上🌶️


                IP属地:江苏来自iPhone客户端9楼2018-11-18 19:36
                回复
                  复读就完事了,walk it like I talk it


                  IP属地:福建来自Android客户端10楼2018-11-19 07:46
                  回复