I had messed up my own life, not really caring about the consequences, and in so doing had hurt her as well. If I had followed through on my obligations to myself and others, she would have lived an easier and more productive life. Until that moment I had never realized that ignoring responsibilities was a sin.
我自己的生活也非常杂乱，不在乎事情的后果，导致了连累其他人。 如果我对自己和其他人都认真负责的话，她会生活得更简单更有效率。 直到这一刻，我都一直不知道不负责任是一种罪恶。
What was happening? Why was I seeing all this? My mind spun with questions.
Next, I saw a woman whom I had been asked by our local church leader to visit periodically. I was just to check up on her and see if she needed any help. I knew the woman quite well but was afraid of her constant pessimism and negativity. She was locally renowned for her bitterness. I didn't think I could handle the depressing influence she would have on me, so I never went to see her. Not once.
到底发生了什么？ 我看到了什么？ 我充满了疑惑？ 接下来，我看到了一个老婆婆。我和她很熟，但我却厌恶她的悲观态度。 她总是很会抱怨。 我觉得我无法忍受她于是一直没有去看她，没有去过一次。
I saw now that the opportunity to visit her had been orchestrated by Higher Powers, that I had been just the person she needed at that time. She didn't know it, and I didn't know it, but I had let her down. Now I lived her sadness and felt her disappointment and knew I was a cause of it. I had fallen through on a special mission to her, a responsibility that would have strengthened me over time.
我现在才知道其实去照顾她是我被赋予的使命。 我正是她那个时候需要的人。 她不知道这点，我也不知道这点，但我却让她失望了。 现在我深刻得感受到我给她带去的失落和沮丧。 我没有去完成这个使命，一个本身会让我自己成长的责任。
I had retreated from an opportunity for growth, both for me and for her, because I was not caring enough to fight through my petty fears and laziness. But the reasons didn't matter; I could see that, even now, she was living in sadness and bitterness, living through it just as I now experienced it, and there was nothing I could do to go back and help.
我从一个成长的机会退缩了，因为我太懒太害怕。 但理由并不重要，我看到她仍然活在沮丧和痛苦中，我可以完全感受到，但却无法回去帮助她。


I re-experienced myself doing good things, but they were fewer and less significant than I had thought. Most of the great things I thought I had done were almost irrelevant. I had done them for myself. I had served people when it served me to do so. I had founded my charity on conditions of repayment, even if the repayment was merely a stroke to my ego. 我也感受到了我做过的那些好事。但这些似乎没有我想象的那么重要那么多。 那些我认为自己做过的慈善基本上都是不重要的，因为那些都是出于私心，我是为了自己才去帮助别人。 我期待回报才去做好事，即使那个回报仅仅是让我的自我感觉更良好。
Some people had been helped, however, by my small acts of kindness, a smile, a kind word, little things I had long since forgotten. I saw that people were happier because of my actions and in turn were kinder to others. I saw that I had sent out waves of goodness and hope and love when I had only meant to smile or to help in a small way. But I was disappointed at how few of these incidents there were. I had not helped as many people as I thought.
有些人却因为我做的一些小事得到了帮助，如我一个微笑，一句亲切的话，一些我早已不记得的事情。 我看到我的行为给别人带去了欢乐，从而导致这些人对周围的人更亲切，善行就像涟漪一样扩展了出去，但其实我只是微笑了一下或者帮了别人一个小忙。 但我很失落我只做了一点点，我没有能够照顾到很多人。
As the review of my life came to an end I was in agony. I saw everything I had ever done in vivid, immediate detail - the bad things, haunting and terrifying in their finality, and the good things, ringing with greater reward and happiness than I had ever imagined. But in the end I was found wanting. I found myself wanting. Nobody was there to judge me. Nobody had to be. I wanted to melt in the agony of self-indictment. The fires of remorse began to consume me, but there was nothing I could do.
当我的人生回顾快结束时，我很痛苦。 我生动得看到了每个细节 --- 坏事，好事。 但我最终我的感受时欠缺。 没有人在那里审判我，没有任何人需要去这么做。 我自己在审判自己。 后悔的烈火将我吞灭，但我已无回天之力


感觉好像收银员拿起选好的东西一件一件的扫描 结算

然后呢，很想知道然后，我喜欢看那些体验到别人的痛苦与快乐的经历，其实我们就是要善待每一个人，每一件事每个人都是为了我们自己的更高善而来