奇幻人生吧 关注：26贴子：305
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Question one:
Hes anyone recently left any gifts outside your home?
Anything? Gum? Money?
- A large wooden horse? - I'm sorry?
- Just answer the question. - No.
"Do you find yourself inclined to solve murder my steries...
...in large, luxurious homes to which...?" Let me finish.
"To which you may or may not have been invited?"
No. No,no,no.
All right. On a scale of one to 10...
...what would you consider the likelihood you might be assassinated?
Assassinated?
One being very unlikely,10 being expecting it around every corner.
I have no idea... - Okay. Let me rephrase.
Are you the king of anything?
Like what? - Anything.
King of the lanes at the local bowling alley.
"King of the lanes"?
King of the lanes. king of the trolls. - "King of the trolls"?
Yes. A clandestine land found underneath your floorboards.
- Anything. - No. No. That's ridiculous.
Agreed. but let's start with ridiculous and move backwards.
Now was any part of you at one time part of something else?
Like do I have someone else's arms?
Well,is it possible at one time that you were made of stone...
...wood, lye, varied corpse parts...
...or earth made holy by rabbinical elders?
No.Look... I'm sorry. What do these questions have to do with anything?
The only way to find out what story you're in...
...is to determin what stories you're not in.
Odd as it may seem, I've just ruled out half of Greek literature...
...seven fairy tales, 10 Chinese fables...
...and determined conclusively that you are not King Hamlet...
...Scout Finch, Miss Marple...
...Frankenstein's monster, or a golem.
Aren't you relieved to know you're not a golem?
Yes, I am relieved to know that I am not a golem.
Good. Do you have magical powers......
Hes anyone recently left any gifts outside your home?
Anything? Gum? Money?
- A large wooden horse? - I'm sorry?
- Just answer the question. - No.
"Do you find yourself inclined to solve murder my steries...
...in large, luxurious homes to which...?" Let me finish.
"To which you may or may not have been invited?"
No. No,no,no.
All right. On a scale of one to 10...
...what would you consider the likelihood you might be assassinated?
Assassinated?
One being very unlikely,10 being expecting it around every corner.
I have no idea... - Okay. Let me rephrase.
Are you the king of anything?
Like what? - Anything.
King of the lanes at the local bowling alley.
"King of the lanes"?
King of the lanes. king of the trolls. - "King of the trolls"?
Yes. A clandestine land found underneath your floorboards.
- Anything. - No. No. That's ridiculous.
Agreed. but let's start with ridiculous and move backwards.
Now was any part of you at one time part of something else?
Like do I have someone else's arms?
Well,is it possible at one time that you were made of stone...
...wood, lye, varied corpse parts...
...or earth made holy by rabbinical elders?
No.Look... I'm sorry. What do these questions have to do with anything?
The only way to find out what story you're in...
...is to determin what stories you're not in.
Odd as it may seem, I've just ruled out half of Greek literature...
...seven fairy tales, 10 Chinese fables...
...and determined conclusively that you are not King Hamlet...
...Scout Finch, Miss Marple...
...Frankenstein's monster, or a golem.
Aren't you relieved to know you're not a golem?
Yes, I am relieved to know that I am not a golem.
Good. Do you have magical powers......
V
Dr. Jules Hilbert: I've devised a test. How exciting is that? Composed of 23 questions which I think might help uncover more truths about this narrator. Now Howard... Harold, these may seem silly but your candor is paramount.
Harold Crick: Harold. Ok.
Dr. Jules Hilbert: So. We know it's a woman's voice. The story involves your death. It's modern. It's in English and I'm assuming the author has a cursory knowledge of the city.
Harold Crick: Sure.
Dr. Jules Hilbert: O.k. good. Question one. Has anyone recently left any gifts outside your home? Anything. Gum, money, a large wooden horse.
Harold Crick: I'm sorry?
Dr. Jules Hilbert: Just answer the question.
Harold Crick: No.
Dr. Jules Hilbert: Do you find yourself inclined to solve murder mysteries in large luxurious homes to which you, let me finish, to which you may or may not have been invited?
Harold Crick: No. No, no, no.
Dr. Jules Hilbert: Alright. On a scale of one to ten, what would you consider the likelihood you might be assassinated?
Harold Crick: Assassinated?
Dr. Jules Hilbert: One being very unlikely ten being expecting it around every corner.
Harold Crick: I have no idea.
Dr. Jules Hilbert: O.k. let me rephrase.
[takes a deep breath]
Dr. Jules Hilbert: Are you the king of anything?
Harold Crick: Like what?
Dr. Jules Hilbert: Anything. King of the lanes at the local bowling alley.
Harold Crick: King of the lanes?
Dr. Jules Hilbert: King of the lanes, king of the trolls,
Harold Crick: King of the Trolls?
Dr. Jules Hilbert: Yes, uh uh uh a clandestine land found underneath your floor boards.
Harold Crick: No.
Dr. Jules Hilbert: Huh?
Harold Crick: No. That's ridiculous.
Dr. Jules Hilbert: Agreed. Let's start with ridiculous and move backwards. Now, was any part of you at one time part of something else?
Harold Crick: Like do I have someone else's arms?
Dr. Jules Hilbert: Well is it possible at one time that you were made of stone, wood, lye, varied corpse parts? Or, earth made holy by rabbinical elders?
Harold Crick: No. Look, look. I'm sorry, but what do these questions have to do with anything?
Dr. Jules Hilbert: Nothing. The only way to find out what story you're in is to determine what stories you're not in. Odd as it may seem, I've just ruled out half of Greek literature, seven fairy tales, ten Chinese fables, and determined conclusively that you are not King Hamlet, Scout Finch, Miss Marple, Frankenstein's Monster, or a golem. Hmm? Aren't you relieved to know you're not a golem?
Harold Crick: Yes. I am relieved to know that I am not a golem.
Dr. Jules Hilbert: Good. Do you have magical powers?
Harold Crick: Harold. Ok.
Dr. Jules Hilbert: So. We know it's a woman's voice. The story involves your death. It's modern. It's in English and I'm assuming the author has a cursory knowledge of the city.
Harold Crick: Sure.
Dr. Jules Hilbert: O.k. good. Question one. Has anyone recently left any gifts outside your home? Anything. Gum, money, a large wooden horse.
Harold Crick: I'm sorry?
Dr. Jules Hilbert: Just answer the question.
Harold Crick: No.
Dr. Jules Hilbert: Do you find yourself inclined to solve murder mysteries in large luxurious homes to which you, let me finish, to which you may or may not have been invited?
Harold Crick: No. No, no, no.
Dr. Jules Hilbert: Alright. On a scale of one to ten, what would you consider the likelihood you might be assassinated?
Harold Crick: Assassinated?
Dr. Jules Hilbert: One being very unlikely ten being expecting it around every corner.
Harold Crick: I have no idea.
Dr. Jules Hilbert: O.k. let me rephrase.
[takes a deep breath]
Dr. Jules Hilbert: Are you the king of anything?
Harold Crick: Like what?
Dr. Jules Hilbert: Anything. King of the lanes at the local bowling alley.
Harold Crick: King of the lanes?
Dr. Jules Hilbert: King of the lanes, king of the trolls,
Harold Crick: King of the Trolls?
Dr. Jules Hilbert: Yes, uh uh uh a clandestine land found underneath your floor boards.
Harold Crick: No.
Dr. Jules Hilbert: Huh?
Harold Crick: No. That's ridiculous.
Dr. Jules Hilbert: Agreed. Let's start with ridiculous and move backwards. Now, was any part of you at one time part of something else?
Harold Crick: Like do I have someone else's arms?
Dr. Jules Hilbert: Well is it possible at one time that you were made of stone, wood, lye, varied corpse parts? Or, earth made holy by rabbinical elders?
Harold Crick: No. Look, look. I'm sorry, but what do these questions have to do with anything?
Dr. Jules Hilbert: Nothing. The only way to find out what story you're in is to determine what stories you're not in. Odd as it may seem, I've just ruled out half of Greek literature, seven fairy tales, ten Chinese fables, and determined conclusively that you are not King Hamlet, Scout Finch, Miss Marple, Frankenstein's Monster, or a golem. Hmm? Aren't you relieved to know you're not a golem?
Harold Crick: Yes. I am relieved to know that I am not a golem.
Dr. Jules Hilbert: Good. Do you have magical powers?
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Sometimes when we lose ourselves in fear and despair,
...in routine and constancy...,
...in hopelessness and tragedy,
we can thank God for Bavarian sugar cookies.
And fortunately, when there aren't any cookies,
we can still find reassurance in a familiar hand on our skin.
Or a kind and loving gesture, or a subtle encouragement, or a loving embrace, or an offer of comfort, not to mention hospital gurrneys, and nose plugs, and uneaten Danish, and soft-spoken secrets, and Fender Stratocasters, and maybe the occasional piece of ficiton.
And we must remember that all these things,
the nuances, the anomalies, the subtleties,
which we assume only accessorize our days,
are, in fact, here for a much larger and nobler cause:
They are here to save our lives.
I know the idea seems strange.
But I also know that it just so happens to be true.
And so it was.
...in routine and constancy...,
...in hopelessness and tragedy,
we can thank God for Bavarian sugar cookies.
And fortunately, when there aren't any cookies,
we can still find reassurance in a familiar hand on our skin.
Or a kind and loving gesture, or a subtle encouragement, or a loving embrace, or an offer of comfort, not to mention hospital gurrneys, and nose plugs, and uneaten Danish, and soft-spoken secrets, and Fender Stratocasters, and maybe the occasional piece of ficiton.
And we must remember that all these things,
the nuances, the anomalies, the subtleties,
which we assume only accessorize our days,
are, in fact, here for a much larger and nobler cause:
They are here to save our lives.
I know the idea seems strange.
But I also know that it just so happens to be true.
And so it was.
